Having attended a few conventions and festivals before in my life for all sorts of different reasons, I thought naively that the Jupiter Craft Beer Festival would be a calm collected day of beer snobs sampling craft brews from many of the best brewers in the area and the country. Boy was I in for some culture shock. I expect it’s a lot like sending someone who’s lived in a cave their entire life to a Star Trek convention and saying “this is what normal people do for fun.” Either you embrace it and enjoy yourself, or you walk around staring in horror at the ridiculousness going on around you. Throughout the day I would learn ten very important lessons that I would wind up sharing on my twitter (@BigDamnGeeks), though I now elaborate a bit more on them for you since I am not confined to the 140 character minimum. They are as follow:

1. “Beer is your friend.” Like any good friend it has your back and makes you feel more confident for a time. But if you spend too much time with it, it’ll hit you in the gut and leave you puking in the bushes.
2. “It only takes several little tiny cups of beer to get little tiny girls drunk and stumbling into people.” Pretty self-explanatory.
3. “When drinking avoid trees at all costs.” Having a previous drunken encounter with a terrible turtle piñata, I can tell you for certainty that people with booze should not be near our friend the mighty tree. Climbing them should be strictly prohibited.
4. “The mustache makes the man.” The longer or more ridiculous, the more people will flock to you and want to be seen with you. Not always a good thing, by the way.
5. “When drinking Mike (MikeLovesBeer.com) has tunnel vision and avoids all things not directly in front of him.” Again, self-explanatory. While looking for him he must have passed me like 3 times and completely blown by me.
6. “Phil (DosBeerigos.com) will “S the D” for a beer. Or Mention of his blog.” Er, not need to repay that site plug Phil. I’ve never seen a grown man make the international hand symbol for a BJ so much before in my entire life. Luckily, we have video evidence that you WILL see in the near future.
7. “Tiny old men in pinstripes are hysterical.” Being short, gray haired, in pinstripes and surrounded by a plume of cigar smoke apparently makes you a stand up comedian.
8. “Pretzel necklaces are not fashionable according to Mike and Phil.” Though they beat the hell out of a five dollar bratwurst.
9. “Ernie drove Bert to drink. He’s running around here somewhere…” A man dressed as Bert from Sesame Street was running around drinking all day. Again, look for it in the video.
10. “And finally, the only place you’ll see more glazed looks than a beer festival is at a Dunkin Donuts.”

So there they are, the 10 things I learned at Jupiter Craft Beer Festival. If you ever have the chance to go to one in your local area, I highly recommend it!

Peter Jurewicz is the creator of Big Damn Geeks, a blog dedicated to all things geeky, and a graduate of Full Sail University in Orlando, FL with a degree in film.  He is also the younger yet taller brother to Mike of MikeLovesBeer.com.