My dear friend Kevin hates cask beer. He hates nitro beer too. Why does Kevin hate things like these? I wish I could blame on being old fashioned but if that were the case you would think he would like an old method of serving beer like cask. His issue is carbonation. Kevin loves high carbonation. He would carb everything to well over 3 volumes if he could. If Kevin ever takes control of the world you know what you are in for. Because of that, he dislikes the lower carbonation that inherently comes with cask beer. Kevin would probably rate cask beer 0 stars. Fortunately this site is not Kevin’s therefore his opinion doesn’t matter. It is, however, a nice little intro to me talking about cask beer.
I want to hate selling with all my heart. Like, I really, really want to but I just don’t wholly hate it. I mean the young, punk minded, stick-it-to-the-man kid in me cries out “Fuck those guys! Those sell outs!” Meanwhile the 37 year old (I had to really stop and think about how old I was just there) somewhat smarter version of me now can see how it’s a smart business decision.
Let’s take a look at it. You’ve created a business that is doing well but don’t really have the capital to take it to the next level. Going to a bank and getting a loan with a big interest rate scares you. Some bigger company comes around and offers you a stupid amount of money (not Bezos stupid money but certainly more than you ever really thought you’d see in your day), an offer to stay on with the company with a nice paycheck and killer benefits (you may have forgotten what those even are) and maybe even a seat on the board. That could set your family for life. It would be hard to pass up. Your passion has paid off and you are successful because of it. American dream right?
The dictionary defines the word TICKER as a watch. The beer world defines a TICKER as a person that must try as many new beers as possible. This trend started with the beer rating websites BeerAdvocate and RateBeer and now includes the powerhouse beer rating app Untappd. It is essentially quantity over quality. Think Pokemon but with beer.
I find humor in the term and that is why I have decided to use the name for a new series that I am going to do on the website. Essentially I am going to rate as many beer related things as I can but not reviewing individual beers themselves. Confused? Let’s try to walk you a bit through this.
This idea was birthed from two different locations. First I received inspiration from a little zine I came across in Philly. It was Hot Tag Revue by Dan Nelson. It was a small, DIY zine rating different aspects of professional wrestling (championship titles, promos, different match types) but not reviewing actual matches. Nelson’s funny rants about all the things we wrestling fans commonly look past was a breath of fresh air.
Secondly I was inspired by the podcast The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green. In it Green constructs audio essays about certain aspects of the human world and rates them on a 5 star scale. You might not think that you can rate things such as the Indy 500, Viral Meningitis, the Taco Bell Breakfast Menu and Love at First Sight but Green doesn’t just do that he does it in a sincere, touching, funny and yet still familiar way.
With that I have decided to start reviewing the many different aspects of the beer industry and the culture surrounding it. You won’t be seeing my reviewing things like Allagash White (a 5 star beer for sure) but instead expect reviews of Selling Out, Frosted Glasses, Cans, Beer Trading and Tipping with Cash–just to name a few.
When I first started thinking about this I totally intended on taking the DIY, physical zine route that Dan Nelson did for Hot Tag Revue but because of time, money and even a little laziness the internet gets it instead. Plus there aren’t a terrible lot of indie art shops around West Palm Beach that would be willing to put my silly zine on consignment. Who knows, maybe I’ll do some physical copies in the future if people enjoy these rantings and ravings of a beer man.
In the meantime, look out for my first review coming Monday!