How to Make a Fool Out of Your Beer Venture?

12 Apr

I was actually all set today to publish a piece that I wrote last night during intermissions of the Flyers great comeback win over that team from the wrong side of the state.  I hadn’t written an opinion piece on here in a while and I felt way over due.  Last week as I sat at the bar at the Funky Buddha talking to my friend Joe, whom I haven’t seen in quite a while, he asked how the blog was going.  I told him how I wanted to write more rants and opinion pieces but not force them.  I don’t want to write about every bit of news that comes out in the beer world.  I just feel that’s watering it down.  I want to give my readers the pieces that really matter to me.  The ones the pull emotions out of me.  Trust me my fine readers, you will never get bullshit from me.

But anyway this morning I woke up and started going through my RSS reader as normal to catch up on other blogs and sites I read when I came across an article on BeerPulse (formerly BeerNews.org).  It’s about a supposed up and coming beer company, I dare not say brewery and you will see in a bit, in South Florida.  As if the name Fumducker Beer isn’t bad enough their logo is also a near copy of the burger chain that has probably run in your mind.

Fumducker (I really can’t believe I’m typing this in a beer article) claims to already be selling beer according to the following from their first press release.

Fumducker Beer Company is looking for a national partner with manufacturing and distribution capabilities to enhance current beer sales.

Enhance current beer sales should indicate that they do indeed currently sell beer.  Yet how is it that a South Florida based company is not seen in South Florida?  The man behind the brand, Ronald Cika, is real estate broker based in the Pompano/Coral Springs area.  Wouldn’t this be Dumfucker’s home market?

I was intrigued to say the least.  So I contacted friend and Florida Beer Company’s own Tom Barris to inquire is maybe FBC was contract brewing this beer.  He stated the following.

No we aren’t brewing it, we aren’t taking any new contracts at all til[sic] summer

Okay so the largest contract brewer in the state isn’t making the beer.  I mean that really doesn’t mean it isn’t being made right?  I mean they could use an out of state contract brewer like Thomas Creek or Matt FX.  But I find this highly unlikely.

The story gets even funnier when Nutrucker announces a partnership with Pabst Brewing Company and then within a day retracts the previous release.  They now say there is no agreement with Pabst, no discussions and Pabst’s general counsel (law folks) and requested the retraction.

If this is a big elaborate, and late mind you, April Fool’s joke then I tip my hat to you Mr. Cika.  But if it is not all I can think of is this reaction.

Did you really think that announcing a partnership with a huge, national brewing company would make them rosy in the cheeks and think, “Aw gee, these folks really like us.  Let’s throw them a bone and work with them even though they have not contacted us or show us a business plan or numbers or anything.”

I’m really torn.  I want to think Ummsucker is really that dumb of brand but I can’t help but be skeptical and wonder if this real estate mogul is just trolling everyone.  I mean you would have to be really, really fucking dumb to rip off a chain restaurant’s name and logo.  Then make up a story about a partnership with another huge company and release it to the public.  But look at the name.  I know I’ve been mocking it since like paragraph three but really just reverse the F and the D.  Is this a jab at the craft beer community?  Was this made to get a rise out of people?  Let me know what you think in the comments.

One Response to “How to Make a Fool Out of Your Beer Venture?”

  1. Marc Boland April 18, 2012 at 9:50 pm #

    Great article Mike! Way to make me laugh! I can’t believe the lengths that people will go to make a name for themselves in the craft beer world. Stupid Name. Dumbasses.

Leave a Reply

Spam Protection by WP-SpamFree